if only i didnt know how to heal

why cant i just continue to hold on and not create any space left for anyone else to come into my life? not having to create that opportunity to be vulnerable again. i rather continue to shed tears for the endless stabbing hurt that i once felt from you and not grow numb to it than to be hurt all over again by another person.
can you continue to hurt me badly so that i wont feel hurt by the other people?

yours truly,
buhney.