you know it's time when...

₪ you realise that you've finally ran out of tears. like how Johnson's & Johnson's put it, "no more tears" =)

₪ you no longer get frustrated over what things should/could/might have been and also the if only 's

₪ the anger and hatred built up inside you all these while is just no longer there anymore. you somehow feel indifferent when the issue pops up in a conversation

₪ you no longer feel hurt looking at things that reminded you of the past. but instead, you smile and come to an agreement with yourself that those were indeed great times, memories to be cherished =)

hope this holds true this time.

On this day of your life, Amy, we believe God wants you to know ... that although forgiveness is very hard, it is necessary. Holding onto anger and old hurts hardens your heart and hurts only you. Ask for help in letting go of the anger. Ask to see the situation through the eyes of compassion. Allow yourself to feel the lightness of forgiveness.

=)

so, i've been up and about the past few days. managed to meet yuv over dinner for our usual bitching catching up/updating session. we can never run out of stupid random things to talk about and days at camp never fails to be one of our favourite topics. friendships doesnt really matter on how long the duration of it but rather how you bond during a certain duration. to the point where you can just relate to the same flashbacks when a certain song is played. Blink 182's I Miss You gives me one of the best ever memories at camp - the 6 of us, digging into a tub of vanilla ice-cream on a sunday morning with that song blasting in the hall over and over again. *hearts* eh-pik!

apart from that, been studying for my exams and also frantically doing my last minute work as always.. after this 3 day break or somewhat, would be another stretch of mid terms and deadlines. sigh. oh ya, i'm back. lols. though i did say that i wouldnt have time to come back this weekend but hey, it's fated. all classes canceled =)

and i'm glad i came home.

CNY updates soooooOOonn.. me *hearts* cheongsams

48 hours, 2880 minutes for 14 minutes and 18 seconds. *smiles*

u make me smile like the sun

first thing's first, i'm back in uni. the good part of it is, apparently i'm not "emo" about it. the bad part is that it suddenly struck to me that I HAVE HEAPS OF WORK TO DO. which also means i cant even go home this weekend even though it's a long weekend off! but i guess i can at least spend more time with my uni friends since it's the last semester i'll ever see or even get to know them better. i've been up and about ever since i got back. but yet, i'm taking my own sweet time here, blogging. lol

embrace yourself people, i've turned over a new leaf. lols it seems to me that my tolerance level just climbed up a few notches. may it be for alcohol or just being patient. okay, i'm referring more on the latter. we shall discuss more about the former on another day. lol the past few days had been, pleasant. i wasnt stressed up over the pile of work load waiting for me, neither did i get agitated with the other drivers on the road while driving back to uni (and amazingly i didnt even went more than 120 km/h), nor to the fact that i cant even have my dear lappie turned on for more than 10 minutes before it decides to act spastic over and over again.

bottom line, i was and still am in a good mood.

to the point where i can laugh and smile at my own silly-ness rather than get all worked up with myself. me likey =) yes, i have been very very silly these days. i just spent an hour walking in circles trying to find a non-existent room of the wrong faculty. i swear, i could have just burst into tears if someone were to taunt me right at that moment. lols


my facial muscles are soon going into a spasm and will be stuck in that position if i continue to smile like an idiot all day long.


i better head off with my work. the upcoming 3 weeks will be a blast. shoot.

2 more hours. 120 more minutes. 7200 more seconds. =(

it makes ur ♥ skips abits

i guess i learned that people tend will definitely take things for granted. especially with things that are easy to obtain. so i am to be blamed for being an easy target all these while. =( oh well, will take things slow this time. time will tell, i hope.

so.why.am.i.blushing.and.smiling.

i'm such an easy blurt. me no likey.

still, excited and it skips abits!!!

tee hee hee

♥

very.random.thoughts.

i can still feel her hatered for me from her piercing stares. it's been like, nearly 5 years already lor... and i didnt do anything wei!!! i was more like the victim okay... >.<

it's officially official! i even introduce myself as that or people somehow knows me as that.

listening to Justin Bieber's songs gives me those high school butterflies-in-ur-stomach kinda feeling =)

yes, why was i so blind. so chot melebihhhh.. lols

funny how friendships just bond like magic.

i think.i vaguely remembered.something. oppss.

i'm a free woman!!! *grin*

he's i'm leaving soon first. =(

p/s : Happy Chinese New Year peeps!

20/2/2010
updates coming soon!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

Isaiah 43:18

妹妹,

我还是那么痛苦. 我还是很想很想要哭.

姐姐.

Samsons - Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu

Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun

Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu, kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang telah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

♥

fairytales do come true!

was up and about with the usual spring cleaning routine when i got bored and decided to turn on the house pc and just surf around the numerous favourite links i frequently browsed back in high school. stumbled upon xiaxue's blog and came across the sweetest true love story i've ever read, here. how two total strangers from different sides of the world (well, sort of) came together. how Mike, xiaxue's fiancé, took that bold chance of meeting the girl of his dreams and now they are happily engaged. i think angmohs are more romantic lor.. haha. asian guys are just so... cinapek? no wonder romantic novels and such are written by whites. lols

the proposal video:
http://www.clicknetwork.tv/watch.aspx?c=1&p=8&v=268

i teared watching that vid. i dont know why but i just did.

but the bottom line is, FAIRYTALES DO COME TRUE!! =)

heads up

"One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.
I'd been broken beyond repair."

Bella, New Moon.

been catching up on my reading lately. somehow or rather i'm able to relate more to the second book. (probably being in my position now) not to say i dont like the first book. i love reading twilight - the typical romantic story which puts nearly every girl in a delusional state, longing for their fairytale to come true as well. but i guess it's conceptual, just non-existent. something which rarely or probably no one can actually relate to in reality.

oh well, with or without a jacob black, my story continues. it'll be a whole new journey. memories will bound to flashback once in awhile or more. it only shows that it meant a lot, well, to me at least.

"On this day of your life, Amy, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are not to shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find and keep."

God has a grander plan.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

the things which makes you think you've matured.. a bit.

i just wasted spent about 2 and a half hours bowsing through my old blog. yes, the one that suddenly refused to work properly after all those years of attention and love i had poured into. but thankfully i'm still able to access the archives of those long forgotten post from donkey years ago through my account.

apparently, reading only about a selective quarter of a total of 342 posts somehow put a smile on my face and gave me hope. i managed to pull through those dreadful days months back then. what is it that's stopping me now? those days were erratic and just plain awful. but i found a few particular posts very encouraging for myself. one of them being:

"it's hard to learn to take the first step yourself
babies struggle hard to balance and take their first steps
the first few steps always end in falls
but they have support, their parents are there to guide and to help them
slowly step by step, the baby soon learn to walk
once they start to walk, they will not crawl anymore.

if i hadn't learn to love and find happiness, it wouldnt be so hard now
i won't have to fall back in fear, i would have continued walking on just as i was

but life isn't about 'what if's and 'maybe's.. what's done has been done.
it's just a long road to walk on whether you like it or not.

keep walking."

i used to write very much better back then. my stories were nonsensically hillarious, even those that were meant to be written when i'm pissed and unsatisfied with something.

though it may be somewhat a little different this time, but i'll still keep Johnnie Walker in mind.. lols =)

the water buffalo

as the years pass by, i finally really understand the meaning to the phrase, "life is a never-ending learning process". it's not just about the knowledge you gain from books or from people and the experiences but also about getting to know yourself better, learning to know who you truly are. looking back, i remembered i was always a "lost" child, always having uncertainties to who i really am. i used to find it difficult to fill in those 'about me' sections in autograph books (during primary & secondary school.. lols) or in anything that requires me to do so. what more an 'about me' essay. haha. i would usually end up writing the usual common stuff like, "happy, honest, hardworking.. etc" which i never actually put to thought whether it really describes me or not back then.

as you start to grow up and mature, you start to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses. every detail to it gets clearer as you experience life's obstacles and challenges. it's part and parcel of growing up. i've learned that you can never change who you are but you can always learn how to make up for your weaknesses. some people see me as a strong and confident person. but in truth, i'm still the weak, passive, emotional girl i've always been. i'm still learning to be and stay strong no matter what the circumstances may be. no doubt nian's passing has made me learn to deal with acceptance and my emotions. but clearly, i havent mastered it all quite yet.

i still pour every now and then but it's just who i am. like the energizer bunny which is built to last, i'm built to cry instead. nevertheless, i will have to make sure the very next day would be a better one. i've been through it twice before and i will make it through again.

mummy said, "hurt is just a feeling and it will fade."

i got this from my cousie's pm:

"When God take something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better."

and also like what ming says, "the best has yet to come!"

i will make it through the rain =)

iNerd

today is a day to be remembered, seriously. i had my first clean sweep through every floor of the 4-storey university library for the very first time considering the fact that i'm already in my last semester. i even borrowed 2 books non-related to assignments or whatsoever that i'm studying! yes i know, be amazed. LOL well, apparently i've been hearing numerous comments throughout the semesters on how complete our library is, having one of the best collections among the rest of the local universities. so yeah, i decided to check it out myself since i finally have to do some real research for my assignment.

i was actually quite impressed with the near complete collection of journals in all fields of study, dating back to the 18th century. but i'd say it would be perfect if they are actually able to update and get hold of those from the more recent years, at most till year 2008? the latest one i could find for my assignment was from year 2006. we're already in year 2010. =.=" well aside from that, i'd say they have a decent range of books on social sciences, law and etc. but relatively, they have a wider range of books on business. i guess they have a standard to keep up with considering the fact that the uni is trying to promote their business school. the fictional section on the other hand, is just so... saddening. only about 3-4 short isles filled with seriously outdated books. i didnt find interest in them so i didnt even bother to peek but i could tell by the looks of the condition of those poor books.

apart from that, i did come across a number of interesting books like an autobiography of Shirley Temple Black - the Child Star, true stories of the Marilyn Monroe case, and even a collection of psychotic mental disorder books which includes anorexia, trauma and etc. not forgetting the all-time famous books for dummies. i was actually more interested in books on baking and interior decorating. but sad to say, i was a little disappointed. not only were those books terribly outdated, but also the size of those sections were so small! they only had one shelf of books on interior decorating while only 2 shelves on baking and cooking put together! sigh.

on a brighter note, out of those 2 pathetic shelves, i managed to find this! *grins*


52 recipes on cookies which includes white chocolate and dried cranberry cookies, fudge-topped toffee cookies, cream cheese cookies and many more mouth-watering ones! yumms.. perfect timing for the coming chinese new year. =)

while this is the other book i borrowed:

something that doesnt really describe me, i just dont like making decisions. but there's something to it which i find very interesting and true while flipping through the pages. i got this from the preface:

"... difficulty with decisions complicates all aspects of our lives. It blocks emotional growth and development, leads to multiple failures - especially in relationships - and contributes to the repression of feelings, sowing the seeds of poor health."

i couldnt agree more! i used to know someone who seriously, desperately needs to read this book. but oh well, no harm for me to gain more knowledge as well =)

but for now, it's back to business. my assignments are wailing. i can hear them in sync chanting, "stop procrastinating, time to start working!" lols.

i cant wait to get back and start baking! whee~

breakeven

sometimes you just need to step out to see and feel the wonders of God's creation. simply breathtaking *melts*

"On this day of your life, Amy, we believe God wants you to know ... that humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.

You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive"

God has His own ways =)

and look what i found!

have you ever seen such a HUGE kisses chocolate? compare that to me thumb! the size of that thing is enormous!!! i bet no one can actually pop it in their mouths like how we usually would with the normal sized ones. talking about kisses chocolates, i wonder who came up with the product name and it's shape. how in the world did they relate a shit-shaped-like chocolate with the name kisses? eeww.. it just doesnt sound right. but then again, i think poop shaped like that are usually seen in comics and cartoons.. i have never seen my poop shaped like that either. LOL

but in anycase, i still *heart* kisses! (well yea, chocolate or not. lols)

=)

I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.

Philipians 4:13