i'm writing you a note.

it's nice receiving news about someones marriage, how sweet your friend's boyfriend are treating them or how loving seeing an old couple strolling down the park hand in hand. but at the same time it's heartbreaking knowing that i'm not that fortunate enough, just yet.

whereas it feels so scary hearing news about how all kinds of problems start to arise when they just started to continue on with their chapters as husband and wife.

it makes my heart beat in confusion and fear.

but i guess sometimes it's just that leap of faith you'll have to take.


Love the Way You Lie - Eminem ft. Rihanna

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind at his back
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

he still remembered how it was that night.
i still didn't move,
i still hadn't change,
i still stayed the same =(

as when i was, 4 years ago.

Baby Buhneys!!!

or watch it here.

Cuteness beyond words

when I get a pet buhney, I'll be naming it baby.

♥

lunch break randomity

i'm alone in the office cos the rest of the staff is attending a meeting with the big boss.

i'm thinking of having a "sinful chocolate day". a day when everyone gathers and indulge on chocolaty desserts which include chocolate mud cake, chocolate lava cakes, fried snickers and mars bars, my g-spot brownies and anything chocolate!!! so who's with me?

Amazingly, Paris Hilton's perfume smells apple-lish like the DKNY apples but even sweeeeter! i smell very huggable today~ lol

Shontelle - Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did...

aint they pweety? i remembered your words. ♥

so much to update on!

but now since everyone's all footie crazy, i'll have my pick on GERMANY! the reason being? cos got a lot of 'entau bahS'! *grin*

till then,

she needs to do what she thinks is impossible and accepts that some things are just impossible.

i'm drained. so so drained, both physically and mentally.

i've so much to tell but the long term exposure to changing numbers in traffic light-like colours and cold air somewhat dried my brains.

while some things cant possibly be put into words.

another weekend's here. a busy one this time.

like and dont like it.

urgh.

some people are just irritating as hell, worse than a hangnail, more than an enormous pain in the ass and definitely more annoying than the endless sound of vuvuzelas!


i'm not interested, I Am Not Interested, I AM NOT INTERESTED AT ALL!!!


this level of annoyance and determination is not cute or at any point considered sweet at all.

i.only.see.desperation.

PUI!


on another note, i just found something that i never knew i had, or at least, forgotten about - an audio cd for the singing competition back in form 6. which apparently starts off with the karaoke version of Mandy Moore's Only Hope followed by Marina McBride's My Valentine, N'Sync's God Must Have Spent A Little More Time and then a whole bunch of classic love songs from the 90's and the early Y2k. the ones which i would have 'em in my dearest iPod shuffle baby when it was still alive =(

talk about how fast time flies, and that scares me.

my Mactards and i =)

and now, time to celebrate the start of the world cup. get ready to partay~!

*smooch*

ohh meee goshhh

mom's suggesting i grab those cheap fares to aussie!!!!

ann,

CROSS YOUR FINGERS CROSS YOUR FINGERS CROSS YOUR FINGERS!

cos i'm opting for MELBY!

p/s: dont leave out 'em toes too!!! =P

♥

FYI, I'm still alive

Haven't been doing much for the first two days of my internship but yet it's draining me dry!

Will update soon in detail on my first day, my workplace and the people..

Till then, the princess sooooo needs her beauty sleep.

Nights peeps.



Idkw I miss you.

when the tables turn

so it's a mutual understanding in between two individuals which not everyone can tell. i share a couple of these mutual understandings but it doesnt make me any smarter in knowing how to identify one. you dont ask, you wont know. but what not known does not hurt. i shall not satisfy someone's curiosity for the sake of satisfying mine. ;)

but i'm still curious! meh. other people's emotions or how i interpret them are starting to affect me again.. sometimes i just wish that my brains arent that hardworking and rather take a leave or two.. that department has overworked! i cannot afford to pay OT wages to 'em.. =( i just took a whole load off and finally successfully flushed them down the loo.. so be good and stop thinking about non-substantial stuff can? =/

Anyways, the past few days had been pretty random.. from hiking up to 84 to movies and to chilling sessions.. time is passing by so fast that it's only a week and a half till my internship starts! *frowns* i havent even started baking yet! *double frowns* time to stock up on baking ingredients and burn the kitchen down! green tea konnyaku jellies, anyone?


cos she's just ... afraid.

Channel 551

tonight had been somewhat interesting.. went for duck egg fried koay teow with my mac-tards and talked over dim sum.. aside from the ghey nonsense, among the things we discussed were on music, series and etc which made me ponder and evaluate more about myself. (i see the light.. lols) i come to realise that throughout the past 3 years, i've lost part of my personality.. when i was in a relationship, i somehow unconsciously evolved and moulded myself into someone else.. i'm talking in terms of hobbies, interest and likings to the point where i pushed aside my personal likings and instead adopted the likings of my partner. when it ended, same goes for the interest and likings to most of the things. but the problem would be figuring out where to pick up from then after. =/

you pick up nearly all your partner's interest and likings just so to be closer in hopes for more common grounds for communication. but how often can that certain activity/subject pop up on a daily basis to strengthen your relationship? your liking towards a certain thing because your other half likes it, serves no purpose in your life. you will just be living a life of a weed - a valueless wild plant. where's your backbone girl? where's your own stand? you only sway according to the direction of the wind. someone will come over one day with the pesticide and go, "ddddieee u nuisance~! DDIIIEEEEEEE! muahahahaha" lols

while chilling the other day over Jack Johnson's album made me realised that i used to love his music but then chucked aside cos, it wasnt to the boyfriend's liking/taste. my taste in music now is like, seriously boring. i only listen to what that is played on the radio.. no more Jem, Garbage, Jimmy Eat World, Switchfoot, The Rasmus, My Chemical Romance etc... all forgotten. even my all time favourite japanese band, L`Arc-en-Ciel.. chucked and abandoned in the back of the garbage dump. well, at least i'm back to James Morrison.. =) *shrugs*

an even more obvious thing would be none other than, blogging. oh well, slowly picking back up from where i last dropped off.

photo of the week with the mac-tards:


the perfect combination

the most disconnected ramblings, ever.

i am too easily affected by other people's emotions.

but at least i know, i aint the only one.

he goes through it, i go through it, everyone goes through it.

it seems so much easier to just get on with the next best thing which you think is right.

but it doesnt change the fact, just merely hiding it from sight.

out of sight, out of mind.

someone once told me, sometimes you just have to create a lie to make yourself feel better.

i take mine to the extreme.

i rather deal with death.

i've successfully fabricated the lie into my reality.

i want to hop on the next flight to Melbourne.

would you join me?

so you wont be miles away from her while i wont be from him.

it's MAY!

hip hip horrayy~!

my favourite month of the year is here!

yes, MY month =)

MAY


this month must will be a blast! ;)

cheers!

i just had a hell of a day.

for the first time, it felt as if i was from gheyland and not the island. i actually spent 10 hours in total at that place and drove around as if i knew the place at the back of my fingertips. (maybe a little laa) i give myself some credit for being able to actually make my way to sunway from inderawasih without any help. so this is what my day summed up to:

• sunway damn boring to jalan. though i heard those departmental stores crying for my attention, i didnt find anything to my liking =/
  
• all segafredo franchises should like seriously stock up on their tomatoes! if you dont have 'em, dont put it in your menu! at least let your customers know what's available and what's not to avoid disappointing them and put them into another dilemma in deciding what to order again. one more time they tell me that they are out of tomato tonic, i'm going to go to the market, get a tonne of over-ripe tomatoes and have a La Tomatina with all the segafredo franchises in penang.
  
• Guinness has got this sourish weird malt taste to it. not bitter, but SOUR like malt really gone bad. lols and mind you, my taste buds are perfectly fine.
  
• gheyland's got pretty much some nice food and the duck egg fried koay teow in BM (Bukit Mertajam) is da bomb! the smell of it is just.. mmm yumms~! cant wait for the next time there again. heck, cant wait for food trail!
  
• the bridge's so much pweetier at night. pweety street lights all lined up in rows while overlooking the other pweety lights from the island and gheyland. *hearts* i cant even remember when was the last time i traveled across the bridge during the night.
  

on another note, i might have drowned earlier tonight? yes, i love the water and might want my ashes to be spread out in the sea as well, but i dont think i actually had drowning in the 15ft end of a swimming club pool in mind.. i've been helping dad out at his pool lessons, taking over some of his classes when he's got too many students to handle in one night, for a few years now. but tonight's lesson was by far the most challenging, one which puts all my years of experience to test. to cut the story short, the worse case scenario? it's either the fella ends up on the surface like what he wants BUT with a punctured lung or i drown. meh.

while we're at this topic, bare with some of my rants which i've put some thought and observation at for quite some time now. scuba diving isnt a sport or an activity which u seek glamour from learning it. it's not about how many dives and how deep you've gone or where you've dove before. it also isnt about feeling more superior just cos you've had your hand in a sport which not everyone has the chance to experience. yes, i admit it's an expensive sport but so what? it's not for you to show off. and now with cheap and fast courses the other commercialised diving school are offering (which i shall not mention in detail here), every tom, dick and harry can "proudly" say that, "i can scuba dive". i can feel and sense that it's starting to become what i would call, "overrated". the way how i dont like it with the iPhones (will touch on that another day). i do see people around who boast that they can dive but they dont even know nuts about appreciating the underwater world. do you even know how to take care of your gear or nottt?? do you even know how to set up your tank properly or nottt?? no righttt?? then shhhuutttuppp.

on an even random note, i miss our quartet i miss our quartet i miss our quartet. i saw ming and yan's vid recording of 'more than words' for sonia darling's birthday. sweeet =) and oh! i found videos from sookie's camera of the english week back in form5 - our drama, singing and the stupid things we did at the hall after the event. sadly, sookie's digital camera back then didnt come with the voice recording so the vids i have are like the ones of charlie chaplin's films. sigh. i miss singing with the girls like SO much! how we would work on the songs together and practice for over a million gazillion times just to perfect it! =) we so need to get together and make a comeback! lol

look what i dug up!

us performing at Vanilla's Place during the French Arts Festival, 2004.♥

the things which i confuse myself with

1. whether i'm considered an asian or not.
   - i'm suppose to be Chinese so i should be able to know how to read, write and speak in the chinese language. but apparently, i've only mastered an insignificant fragment of it. besides that, asian girls are generally known to be short and petite, which i'm not. though the younger generations have outgrown that stereotype and are now lanky and thin, but again, i'm not. so hence, the confused asian i am.


2. whether i'm a sucker for romance making me no different from the general delusional female population.
   -yes, i'm referring to the twilight saga. isnt it normal for girls to go all soft and melt-y NOT at the sight of Robert Patz or Taylor Lutner's hot bod in the second movie, New Moon, but the actual gist of how romantic the storyline is? i actually "melt" and put myself into that delusional state as i read those books. i understand how different reality can be from what that is portrayed in twilight. so okay, let's set aside vampires, werewolves and all, being more realistic. take P.S. I Love You instead, i cried like hell watching that movie. but i doubt anything can even possibly be planned that perfectly in real life. the thoughtfulness and sweetness of a guy was shown to be at that top maximum level, which is of course to me, non-existent in reality. ahh Gerald Butler.. me loikey his irishh accent! so, delusional or not?


3. being 6659.52 kilometers away or being distant in another way?
   - pei pei darling said it's unofficial. wtf. and made a decision for me. =S har. i dont get it hence, the confusion. i dont want to think about it but i keep confusing myself with it. meh.

basically, i'm confusing myself with unnecessary non-substantial stuff.

period.

i think i dont wanna grow up

as i get older, i learn to view a lot of things in a different perspective. i start to notice more on the small details in life; how much i'm blessed on a daily basis, how much my dearest parents shower me with unconditional love even when i'm already nearly the age of 23! i will always be their little amy girl in their eyes. while as much as brother dearest rarely shows that he cares, deep down he still does. some things doesnt need to be said upfront. amy's thankful because she nearly always gets what she wants =) NOTE: it's because amy dont always ask for stuff. i may be spoilt as the youngest child in a way but i'm certainly not a brat! =P

daddy's been very lenient and understanding for quite some time now. i guess as much as he has always wanted his amy girl to be a tough cookie, he realised that she's still vulnerable in being hurt and helpless. one thing i learned is that parents know best. they will always be there to guide and support you without a doubt, in which i'm glad that i could, like how facebook puts it, "re-connect with" my parents. ♥

the past few days spent back home had been great! brings back so much childhood memories on how i would just sit and stare at the tv while bro plays his PS for hours, pestering korkor day in day out, to get me stuff *grin*, doing stupid lame things and running around the house screaming like a brat... (ok, maybe this is whee bit exaggerated. i've toned down a lot and well, you all get what i mean.. lol) all in all, the princess is glad she's finally back home for good, for now.

on a random discussion, does anyone have any idea on how to differentiate local chinese girls with those from China? any particular facial structure or features that actually defines if one is from China or not? i know this may be stereotyping and the local chinese here in Malaysia are somewhat originated from China, but it is still differentiate-able right? i've been mistaken as a korean for a couple of times before. okay la.. i understand the small eyed, flat long face of the koreans which i have.. but recently, it's CHINA. *rolls eyes* China? i've been mistaken as a China girl not once, but TWICE! with AND without makeup. meh. is that suppose to be a compliment? cos i find it more of an insult. sad to say, i can only relate the China girls here as those who contribute to the service sector of a country's Gross National Product (GNP), which apparently is not recognised here in Malaysia. in non-economical terms, prostitutes. mind me for stereotyping again but generally, majority of them here are. now this is even more depressing. cos now i'm classified, slutty. sigh. =( i should start starving myself so that my flat long face becomes prominent again. haha

the China girl says hi.

time to unpack the box

cos i cannot deny my love for soft fury huggables.

♥
i want tatty teddy.

*squeals*

i just came across a short clip of a french bulldog puppy which was on its back and couldnt get back up no matter how many times it tried rocking itself from side to side.. tee hee hee (it's posted on my fb wall) pitiful in a way but, so dang adorable!! which suddenly made me miss Bubu so much!

i'll see you soon! =))) ♥

tax my ass.

i have not the slightest idea on what my taxation subject is about. i blame the overly comfortable environment of the classroom which made me space out all too many a times throughout the semester. shit. furthermore this particular lecturer is notoriously known to fail or how students would put it, "kill" by the bulk! though i did escape with a quite satisfactory grade from him on my welfare paper a few semester back, i cannot afford to screw this one up! meh.

but in any case, i had my trip to the seaside. satisfied =)

managed to catch the sunset!

the sun and breeze feels, mm-goooood~!

suddenly, the whole world is interested. interesting.

toodles.

O.o"

after all these years, it's now my turn to go through the 'freak magnet' phase. yes, nian, ann and shuen, it's time to laugh and be amazed with my story. lols

"hey i'll b goin off9 once dis msg is sent,i jus wish 2 say sorry coz was disturbin u since i start talkin to u..juz to tell u sumthin..i had a crush on u since high school..bt u was wif him bac thn..so i dun hv da guts 2 say...bt since i noe u not wif him nimore..i was hopin 2 noe u btr..but i guess i was wrong wif my actions..i felt lik i'm botherin u...bt gotta tell u dis...luv ya so much bb baby"

oh mee gawd.. it seriously just gives me goosebumps. there's more but this is the worse. let's hope this is the first and last one. i dont wanna be a permanent freak magnet! *shivers* eww.. lols



06/04/2010

*gasp* i'm somewhat being stalked. @.@ H-E-L-P.