妹,

what would you have suggested me to do?

姐.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Shontelle - Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did...

aint they pweety? i remembered your words. ♥

so much to update on!

but now since everyone's all footie crazy, i'll have my pick on GERMANY! the reason being? cos got a lot of 'entau bahS'! *grin*

till then,

she needs to do what she thinks is impossible and accepts that some things are just impossible.

living in a nutshell

last monday had been.. well, eventful? i somewhat experienced a summary of the past 10 years of my life in a day.

to be honest, the day didnt started out well. instead, it started out with the worse point of my life. i was woken up at 7-ish in the morning by a phone call from yen, asking if i had received ming's messages but i was too tired the night before to actually realise that ming did sent 2 messages around 2am. the moment i read her messages, i knew something was not right with the first thought in my head - death. millions of flashbacks and thoughts then came rushing to my head. i couldnt function. i just laid down and kept telling myself that it isnt anything serious as i waited for a reply from ming. but deep down at the back of my head, i was somehow convinced that it was news about someones death. ming then confirmed that Noorhasmida, aka bulat passed away in an accident. another accident. flashbacks kept running through my head, like a playback of a recorded video, of the very first moment to the very last hour of the tormenting week of Nian's passing.

Ming, Yen and i then went to the funeral the morning itself. walking in to see her face for the last time was horrible. every step i took as we approached her coffin reminded me of that every step sonia, jien ann and i took as we draw near to Nian's house with our hands held tightly to each others. that heavy hurting feeling in the heart, as if someone had my heart squeezed up like a stress ball, came back again. we didnt stay long and headed to stock on baking needs after dropping yen at MBS. i needed something to take my mind off things. what else better than to do the things that you love?

so i finally bought my green tea powder but ended up baking brownies and dipping strawberries in chocolate, aside from making the green tea konnyaku jellies all in one afternoon. i know.. crazy.. sometimes i just need some pushing to get me going.. baking, sewing, surprises and all used to be for love. now, baking is a passion and also for, business ;)

after the non-stop hustle bustle in the kitchen, it was time to head up to the apartment to get ready for the steamboat gathering of the sixth formers. it was a bit disappointing at first having to prepare for the gathering alone, like a hired organizer. =/ but thankfully, numerous calls came in right on time, offering a hand or two. grocery shopping had never been this entertaining, random and fun. it reminded me on what i love about attending form 6, the endless fun and great company. an initial plan of a steamboat party ended up into a steamboat AND deep fried party. the girls were preparing the food for the steamboat while the boys were testing out their deep-frying skills. for one moment, it was as if i was organizing a "kitchen for dummies" session. lols

foooood

brownieeee

yen & i with the green tea jellies

a group photo for the record

the jellies werent a big hit though.. hmm. i'd say green tea is also another acquired taste. not many actually enjoy it.. but me likey it =) it actually didnt turn out like the kind i had at a japanese restaurant.. that one was amaaazing..

after food was the usual gambling session for the boys and pillow talks for the girls ♥ though the girls only consisted of yen, gini and i, we did a lot of catching up and talking about the good ol' days back in MGS. when stories from different sides were finally told and all sorts of gossips! and most importantly, about my favourite "subject" throughout high school *grins* those were the days ^^

on another note, i've been putting some thought on my baking.. how to put it to good use to fund for my shopping sprees and pampering.. lol and with encouragement and suggestions from yen, i think i'm going to start small, taking it as a part time thingy for the mean time.. so watch out for it on fb alrite =)

they called it, "Amy's G-spot Brownies" hahaaa

made with ♥

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, That's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?

That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice.

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, That's choice.

Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, That's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance.

But true love that lasts is truly a choice.

A choice that we make.

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: " Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."

I do believe that soul mates do exist.

That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.

We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mates is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love...

BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.

Lee Nian Ning
nianz.blogspot.com

May thus far

-WARNING : long post ahead-

it has been 3 weeks since i'm back from uni! feels good to be home! =) i kicked start the month of May with a part time weekend job to get myself back in tuned to the working life and also to fill my pockets! $$$ so, the job was to get people to take the free BMI test and also obviously to promote the company's product. (see pic below for more details) one word of advise for everyone out there, please please please for goodness sake, dont buy/drink anything from those electric freezing dispensers. the ones with a churning plate in the middle, stirring the drinks throughout the whole day. you have no idea how dirty it actually is! yucks!

yen & i

and oh! i dont like the uniform especially the puffed up sleeves.. sooo wrong i tell you.. makes me look even 'puffed' up =/ me likey the scarf though, cos it reminds me of my choir days ♫ i actually prefer to promote property than other products because there isnt a quota to fill and your potential customers are actually scaled down. but sadly, i lost my contacts =( oh well, i did enjoyed my days working with Jen for Sunway =)

well, out of all the part time jobs i've had, i can now conclude that, may it be promoting real estates or milk powder, i attract freaks! =.=" dont think i wanna elaborate more on the freakish encounters. bottom line, freak-magnet alert! (ask me in person and i shall entertain you with my stories. LOL) no wonder my seniors always had this impression that i'm like some protected endangered species that should be kept at home! hahahaha i'm serious! that was the exact translation of what they said in mandarin. whatever that i know or can do somehow amuses the people/friends in university..

when i say, i bake
they give me this look, O.o
while when i say, i do house chores
as predicted, O.O
if i continue on by saying that, i ride the bike,
that's when i get the longest unbelievable 'RRRRRRrrrrrrreeeEEEaaaaAAAAAALLLLLllyyyYYYYYYYYY???????' ever! as if i just told u that i like to go out commando like how Britney does it ;) LMAO

it's like i'm from a circus or a carnival. Now, behold~!

*drum roll*

AMY, the freak.

applause la can or not.. hahaa..


ANYWAYS, now for some bits and pieces of my birthday week.

xiao mei & i, len shen & i, my adorable khim & i
a few of my unimates were around in Penang so they took me out for lunch at a small restaurant in Gurney (i forgot the name.. lol) pretty nice place.. i like the decorations but it's a little overly done. the food? ok larr but a whee bit pricey for the pretty simple food they serve. we then head off to red box and i had a bit of my screaming session working, though most of the songs chosen were mandarin ones.. =/ but still, enjoyable =) at the end of that day, they surprised me with a gift and a slice of oreo cheesecake hidden in my car.. =) a toy schnauzer doggy which i thought was a koala bear at first from the colour of it. lol

i spent the whole week with yen, hopping from one mall to another, hunting for a maxi dress, shoe shopping and got my nails painted - French manicure as always =) a week of blissful pampering, but the most exciting part of my week was the first few beginning hours of my day! i got home from a midnight movie and found a Country Hide paper bag on my dressing table.

hmm.. a gift from brother dearest.. that's rare.. so i was expecting something leathery since that's the only thing Country Hide sells.. from the size of the package, maybe a wallet? a small purse? the eager me then quickly unbound the ribbon off and opened the paper bag. there was this transparent casing, like those old radio cassette tape boxes, only bigger wrapped round with another blue ribbon tied nicely into a bow. my head totally could not register what it was so i took it out and stared at it for a few seconds. when it finally hit me, i realised it was...

an iPod Touch!!!
the thing that i have been bugging and pestering my brother for the past 2 weeks! (though i did mention and bugged him awhile about it before more than a year ago.. lol) knowing my brother's nature and all, i never actually expect him to buy it for me. but being the annoying younger sister, it is my nature to enjoy pestering and bugging him about something, may it be stupid or not! =P words cannot describe how damn happy i was the moment i realised it was my long-awaited touchy! whee~

me ♥ my brother to bits!

korkor dearest & i, 2007
though the rest of the day was a bit screwy - a lot of last minute plan cancellations and all =/, thankfully, on-the-spot plan Bs' turn out pretty well.. had lunch with yen and ekun instead, dinner with mum and bro at Cititel and chilled with a few good company at night.. i guess like what they say, the higher your expectation, the greater the disappointment. in which i couldnt agree more.. my brother's present is by far the only thing that has ever really caught me by surprise and the feeling is just, priceless =)

the next day was then spent over at the lee's.. talked loads over lunch and hanged around the house playing with the dogs..

naughty bubu and big boy charlie

a week nicely spent with close ones =)

eek! i'm 23 now =/

u're never forgotten =)

Happy Birthday Nian! ♥

妹,

i dreamt of you the other day and woke up in tears.

it reminded me how much it hurts knowing that you're gone.

another year not being able to celebrate our birthdays together.

i still miss you to bits.

姐

O.o"

after all these years, it's now my turn to go through the 'freak magnet' phase. yes, nian, ann and shuen, it's time to laugh and be amazed with my story. lols

"hey i'll b goin off9 once dis msg is sent,i jus wish 2 say sorry coz was disturbin u since i start talkin to u..juz to tell u sumthin..i had a crush on u since high school..bt u was wif him bac thn..so i dun hv da guts 2 say...bt since i noe u not wif him nimore..i was hopin 2 noe u btr..but i guess i was wrong wif my actions..i felt lik i'm botherin u...bt gotta tell u dis...luv ya so much bb baby"

oh mee gawd.. it seriously just gives me goosebumps. there's more but this is the worse. let's hope this is the first and last one. i dont wanna be a permanent freak magnet! *shivers* eww.. lols



06/04/2010

*gasp* i'm somewhat being stalked. @.@ H-E-L-P.

i miss you mei.

it still hurts, badly.

the pain is still there.

妹妹,

我还是那么痛苦. 我还是很想很想要哭.

姐姐.

the water buffalo

as the years pass by, i finally really understand the meaning to the phrase, "life is a never-ending learning process". it's not just about the knowledge you gain from books or from people and the experiences but also about getting to know yourself better, learning to know who you truly are. looking back, i remembered i was always a "lost" child, always having uncertainties to who i really am. i used to find it difficult to fill in those 'about me' sections in autograph books (during primary & secondary school.. lols) or in anything that requires me to do so. what more an 'about me' essay. haha. i would usually end up writing the usual common stuff like, "happy, honest, hardworking.. etc" which i never actually put to thought whether it really describes me or not back then.

as you start to grow up and mature, you start to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses. every detail to it gets clearer as you experience life's obstacles and challenges. it's part and parcel of growing up. i've learned that you can never change who you are but you can always learn how to make up for your weaknesses. some people see me as a strong and confident person. but in truth, i'm still the weak, passive, emotional girl i've always been. i'm still learning to be and stay strong no matter what the circumstances may be. no doubt nian's passing has made me learn to deal with acceptance and my emotions. but clearly, i havent mastered it all quite yet.

i still pour every now and then but it's just who i am. like the energizer bunny which is built to last, i'm built to cry instead. nevertheless, i will have to make sure the very next day would be a better one. i've been through it twice before and i will make it through again.

mummy said, "hurt is just a feeling and it will fade."

i got this from my cousie's pm:

"When God take something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better."

and also like what ming says, "the best has yet to come!"

i will make it through the rain =)

妹妹,

i cant even remember when was the last time i sat through a meet or a competition. brought back so much memories.. lol *winks* they started off with the 1500m free and it was so nerve-wrecking i tell you.. the last 50m was even more stressful! Andrew had one of his boys with his tactics and zheng wasnt even aware of it. it was so intense that i couldnt help myself but joined in the shouting.. lol but thank God =) not his best time but i'm sure you're proud of him too. i didnt stayed on for his IM though.. will msg ma to see how it went. we spent the whole evening talking about you and it was just so wonderful =) i'm very blessed to have you, khang, zheng, your ma and pa in my life. you're never forgotten and you still live in our hearts ♥

姐姐

2 years has passed,

but i'd still give up the world just to see your face =)

missing you to bits.

i ♥ you always and forever.

妹妹,

我早就应该听你的话. 我才知道原来弟弟也不是那么喜欢他. 你们为了我,所以也不多说什么. 为什么我那么笨? 爱情是那么盲目的吗? 有时候我宁愿是他死,都不要是你. 男朋友随时都能找過,但是好朋友就不能了. 你的爸爸对我说:"他都不帅, 你又那么漂亮, 你不须要等他." 我真的是太傻太孩子气了. 虽然我已经没了他, 可是他都不是你. 所以我不因该那么伤心, 这么的痛苦.

我很想念你.

姐姐

sometimes in life, there really are bonds formed that can never be broken,
sometimes u really can find that one person who will stand by u no matter what
maybe, u'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with ur dream wedding
but there's also the chance that the one person u can count on for a lifetime
the one person who knows u, sometimes better than u know urself is the same person who's been standing beside u all along.

-bride wars-

it made me thought of you =)

妹妹,

i can still clearly remember how i'd always run to you in tears when some jerk crushed my heart. u'd always wanted to give them a piece of your mind and wring their necks.

in school, u'd always listen to me. everyone knew it. even on the day of your funeral, ye shan told me that u'll always listen to me. i only wish you were still here to listen to me. how i used to ask you not to play with your food, to finish up your homework and also not to find unnecessary fault with the teachers.

but ironically, when we all left school, you grew to become a more matured person whom i always confide in. i'd listen to you as you knock sense into me. you took on the role of being the older protective sister of mine instead.

he's not being a good boyfriend now.
can you please come back and wring his neck?

i still think of you dearly everyday.

miss you.

7 months.

still very clear,

still as painful,

still miss u.

at the end of the day, the world still have to revolve around the world.

hitting 3 now

Thinking of the day

When you went away

What a life to take

What a bond to break

I'll be missing you.

- P. Diddy

quoted from dear nian's blog...

these are the people.....

I come to realize that friends we hold dearest to our hearts are usually those from our secondary school years(this holds true especially to me).

These friends has gone through thick and thin with us. Growing up together, helping each other through times of trouble, getting each other into trouble and what-nots.

I’m not saying that the friends that I have made in very recent past are bad or not worthy to be called friends. You all are and always will be appreciated and held close to my heart. But I don’t think that you’ll understand why my secondary school friends are extremely special to me. But I’ll try to explain anyway. Pardon me for being incoherent at times as I’m not really good with experiencing my feelings with words.

These are that people that I grew up with. From day one in primary school, we stuck with each other through quarrels, misunderstanding and fights, making it thru eleven schooling years to finally reach the last sorrowful parting on Dec 2nd 2004.

These are the friends that seriously care for me and will go all out to help me get out of trouble. These are the people that are willing to go through heck load of trouble just to save my ass. I cannot recount the numerous times my secondary school friends went all out of the way just to rescue me from impending doom=)thanks a lot gals!!

These are the people that has come to accept all my bad habits and come to love me for who me are and not what i pretend to be. When I’m with them I don’t have to put up an unnatural façade just to please them or conform to whatever stereotype people think I am. I can be just plain old me. Loud, straight –forward, obnoxious me=)

These are the people that I’ve borrow money from and forget about it and vice versa. The money will just keep shuttling back and forth, ricocheting of each other until it finally comes into balance without us paying each other back. .lol..

These are the friends that i once conspired with to prank a certain teacher or innocent bystanders that are unfortunate enough to be the guinea pig of my konco’s new “experiment”.

These are the people that sneak out with me to the hang out in the computer lab so that we can finish the last level of Bubble –Bubbles by annihilating the supreme last level king! Which we managed to after about a month of sneaking out of class !lol

These are the people that will fabricate tales to teachers on my absence in class, just to save my ass from a grilling by the teacher.

These are the people that frantically try to wake me up from my peaceful slumber in class when the teacher suddenly notices that she doesn’t have my attentionanymore.
These are the people that borrow me their homework to zap in the morning so I don’t get in trouble for not completing my homework..lol..still remember everyone trying to get hold of either jo’s or jann’s book..frantically copying line by line before the first bell rings..lol

These are the people that composed crazy songs and sang it on the top of their voices. Not at all worrying that anyone will think of them as crazy.

These are the people that we all raced to say thank you to in the canteen, so that the last one to be thanked has to send all the dirty dishes back to its respective stalls.

These are the people that I can gossip with for hours on end. People I can both cry and laugh with and yet they won’t think of me as less of a person=)

These are the people that knows that I’m a big scatter brain and takes advantage of it by hiding my bag, then laughs at me because I only discovered that it was gone after half a day at school..lol..proof on how much I use my books and stationary at school..lol..

Ahh..a crazy bunch like you will be difficult to come by again in this lifetime.

Although distance and time will inevitable erode the strong bonds that we used to share. I would like all of you to know that you all will always have a special place in my heart till the day I’m old and gray=)

posted by nianz at 12:41:00 AM on Wednesday, October 26, 2005

you will always have a special place in our hearts as well <3

love u girl.

wish you were here..

with us at the table having dinner together.. it would have been really nice.

your mom is trying to cope.. though fridays are still the hardest days for her to go through..

your dad is staying very strong, helping your mom go through each day and making sure she eats well..

zheng's been trainning very hard.. sometimes twice a day.. he even beat yi-khy's 200m freestyle record during the 44th PASA swim meet! i'm sure u're very proud of him.. he looks so much like you.. and sprouting like a bean sprout.. reaching his jackpot height will be a piece of cake.. then i'll be the midget.. though i already am.. my height mark on that wall is the most recent and yet the lowest one.. haha..

it seems so real each time... having to spend time and create new memories and experiences with you.. how i wish i never had to wake up and realize that it was just a dream..
so many things reminds me of you, each day just brings back memories of things you've said, things you did and flashbacks of that dreadful week.

i just want you back.

love you.